My Children Don't Speak to Me — Do I Have to Leave Them Anything?

No, you're not legally required to leave anything to your adult children — but they may be able to challenge your will after you die. Understanding this distinction is key to making your wishes stick.

Family estrangement is more common than people admit. Whether it's been months or decades since you spoke, you have the right to decide who inherits your estate. Here's how to do it properly.

The Legal Position

In England and Wales:

• You have complete freedom to leave your estate to whoever you choose
• There's no legal requirement to provide for adult children
• You can explicitly exclude anyone from your will
• You can leave everything to charity, friends, or distant relatives

However: Your children (including adult children) can make a claim against your estate under the Inheritance (Provision for Family and Dependants) Act 1975 if they believe they weren't left "reasonable financial provision."

Would a Claim Succeed?

Adult Children Face a High Bar

Courts don't automatically give adult children part of your estate. They look at:

• Financial need: Are they struggling financially? Do they have disabilities or health issues?
• Their own resources: A wealthy adult child has a very weak claim
• Obligations you had: Were you financially supporting them?
• Size of your estate: Larger estates attract more scrutiny
• Other beneficiaries' needs: Who else depends on your estate?
• Your reasons for excluding them: Documented reasoning helps

Claims That Typically Succeed

• Adult child with disabilities who needs financial support
• Adult child you were actively supporting financially
• No clear reason for exclusion (looks like an oversight)
• Large estate with no other dependants

Claims That Typically Fail

• Financially independent adult children
• Long-term estrangement with documented history
• Clear reasons for exclusion recorded
• Modest estate with other dependants

How to Make Your Exclusion Stick

1. Document Your Reasons

Write a letter to be stored with your will explaining:

• The history of your relationship
• When and why estrangement occurred
• Any attempts at reconciliation
• Why you've decided not to provide for them
• Their financial circumstances (if you know them)

Example:

"I have decided not to leave any part of my estate to my son James. We became estranged in 2015 when he [circumstances]. Despite my attempts to reconcile in 2017 and 2019, he has refused all contact. James is a qualified accountant earning a good salary and owns his own home. He has no financial need for provision from me. This decision is made freely after careful consideration."

2. Use a Solicitor

A professionally drafted will:

• Is harder to challenge on technical grounds
• Includes proper exclusion language
• Shows you had independent advice
• The solicitor can give evidence about your mental state if challenged

3. Consider a Token Gift

Some advisers suggest leaving a small amount (£100 or £500) to show:

• You remembered them (not an oversight)
• The exclusion was deliberate
• This was a considered decision

Others argue this just gives them standing to challenge. Discuss with your adviser.

4. Keep Your Will Current

An old will is easier to challenge than a recent one. Review your will:

• Every few years
• After any significant life changes
• After any contact (or attempted contact) with estranged children

5. Get a Capacity Assessment If Relevant

If you're elderly or have health concerns, a medical assessment confirming you have mental capacity when making the will prevents "lacked capacity" challenges.

What About Grandchildren?

If you're estranged from your children but not your grandchildren:

• You can leave assets directly to grandchildren
• Consider a trust if they're young (prevents parents controlling the money)
• Be explicit about your wishes in your will
• Consider who would be trustees

What If You Die Without a Will?

If you die intestate (without a will), your children inherit automatically under intestacy rules — regardless of estrangement.

• If you're married: Spouse gets up to £322,000 plus half the rest; children share the other half
• If you're not married: Children inherit everything equally

This is why having a will is essential if you want to exclude estranged children.

Emotional Considerations

Your Decision Is Valid

You don't need to justify your family relationships to anyone. Estrangement happens for real reasons, and you have every right to make decisions accordingly.

Consider the Future

• Could reconciliation happen?
• Would you want to leave the door open?
• You can always update your will later

Think About Executors

Your executors will deal with any challenge. Choose people who:

• Understand your family situation
• Will defend your wishes
• Won't cave to pressure from excluded children

Common Scenarios

Scenario 1: Estranged for Decades

Situation: You haven't spoken to your daughter in 20 years. She's financially comfortable.

Claim risk: Low. Long estrangement plus financial independence makes a successful claim unlikely. Document your reasons thoroughly.

Scenario 2: Recent Falling Out

Situation: You fell out with your son last year over his partner. He earns a modest income.

Claim risk: Moderate. Recent estrangement could look like a rash decision. Consider whether you might reconcile. Document carefully if you proceed.

Scenario 3: Disabled Adult Child

Situation: Your daughter has never worked due to disability. You've been estranged for years but she relies on benefits.

Claim risk: High. Her financial need creates a strong moral obligation in the court's eyes. Consider leaving some provision or explaining why not.

The Old Way vs Our Way

The Old Way	Our Way
Just leave them out and hope	Document reasons and plan properly
Assume family can't challenge	Know the risks and minimise them
DIY will with no explanation	Professional will with letter of wishes
Leave estate planning until later	Plan now while intentions are clear